Sunday Sharies 01.02.22

A QUOTE

"Give more. Give what you didn’t get. Love more. Drop the old story."
– Garry Shandling, American actor and comedian


A QUESTION

How have I been complicit in creating the conditions I say I don’t want?


A THOUGHT

There is a subtle but profound difference between an equal and an equitable relationship. In an equal relationship, it’s an eye for an eye. Your cooperation is based on the assumption that each actor is participating in the exact same manner. Equity, on the other hand, means individual contribution adjusts to the situation. An equitable relationship recognizes that each person has different circumstances and allocates the resources needed to reach an equal outcome. Where equality requires a scoreboard, equity requires empathy.

It’s important for the health of our relationships to ensure that our limited personal capital (e.g., time, energy, money) is taken into consideration and directed appropriately.

I catch myself paying lip service to equity while expecting equality: “I did the dishes last night, therefore, I expect you to do them tonight.” “I called you last week, therefore, I expect you to call me this week.”

True relational equity considers the other person’s day, the other Life on their plate, matters on their mind, how time sensitive the task is, and whether they value it with the same sense of urgency. Stop keeping score to start playing fair.

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P.S. There’s a Name for the Blah You’re Feeling: It’s Called Languishing.